Wedding Etiquette Wednesday: Thank You Notes

There was a great etiquette blurb on what NOT to send as a wedding thank you note in the Denver Post's Ask Amy column in June. The writer was telling Amy that she had received another pre-printed thank you note generically 'thanking' the gift giver for the wedding check she sent. Coincidentally, I received a pre-printed thank you note recently from a couple that I had sent a wedding gift to which was actually personalized stationery for them to use as thank you notes.

Surprisingly, quite a few of the stationery lines that I carry offer pre-printed thank you notes. In addition to the 'Thank You' printed on the front, there is also an option to customize a personal (yet impersonal) note inside that thanks the gift giver for the gift. Etiquettely speaking: Always write a personal thank you note to anyone that gives you a gift for any occasion. Writing great thank you notes is an art form that is unfortunately fading however the impact of a well-thought out note does not go unnoticed. It also communicates your sincere gratitude to the sender of the wonderful gift you have received.

Wedding Etiquette Wednesday...How To Write A Thank You Note

Ann Marlin, owner of Cloud 9 Papers is continually asked about thank you notes. She puts it best, "A personal thank you note is the only appropriate way to say 'Thank You!' At one time, notes were not considered necessary when you thanked someone in person. Today, with guest lists being longer and guests busier, a personal thank you note is the only way to make sure sincere appreciation is expressed. Just telling someone who has given you a gift, how much you appreciate it, does not 'cut the cake!'"

Thank You Do's and Don'ts

1. Never, Never, Never, send a pre-printed thank you card. When you send a pre-printed card, you are telling the person receiving the thank you that their gift didn't mean enough to you to even receive a mention in your note. A warm personalized, handwritten note, regardless how brief, tells the guest how much you appreciated the gift and how it will be cherished for years to come. Handwritten notes express sincerity.

2. Be sure to send thank you notes to friends and relatives who arrange showers and parties for you. It is appropriate to thank them for the party or shower in the same card you send thanking them for their gift.

3. When you receive more than one gift from someone, each gift must be recognized with its own thank you card. If you receive a shower gift from a friend or relative and then, three weeks later, receive a wedding gift from the same person, it is not appropriate to thank them in one card. Shower gifts should be acknowledged within ten days of the party and wedding gifts within two weeks after returning from the honeymoon. Wedding gifts arriving in advance of the wedding, should be responded to immediately, so that an extended period of time does not pass between receiving the gift and it's thank you.

4. Be sure to put your new return address on all thank you cards. Your guests will appreciate having your current and correct address.

5. Although colored ink is readily available in your favorite stationery store today, it is still more appropriate to write your notes in dark blue or black. It is more easily readable.

6. When writing thank you notes, never start the note with "I." Always use "you" more than "I" or "me" in the note.

Wedding Etiquette Wednesday

Everyone loves to receive something in the mail; there is just something about going to the mailbox and seeing a hand-addressed envelope waiting only for you.

So, after a shower, engagement or wedding gift has been received, the gift giver is just as excited to receive something in the mail...(drumroll)...the thank you note!

Ten Do’s and Don’ts of Thank You Notes, courtesy of etiquette guru Emily Post.

- Do personalize your notes and make reference to the person as well as the gift.

- Do remember that a gift should be acknowledged with the same courtesy and generous spirit in which it was given.

- Do be enthusiastic, but don’t gush. Avoid saying a gift is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen unless you really mean it.

- Don’t send form letters or cards with printed messages and just your signature; don’t use email or post a generic thank you on your wedding web site in lieu of a personal note.

- Do promptly acknowledge the receipt of shipped gifts by sending a note right away or calling and following up with a written note in a day or two.

- Don’t mention that you plan to return a gift or that you are dissatisfied in any way.

- Don’t tailor your note to the perceived value of the gift; no one should receive a perfunctory note.

- Do refer to the way you will use a gift of money. Mentioning the amount is optional.

- Don’t include wedding photos or use photo cards if it will delay sending the note.

- Don’t use being late as an excuse not to write. Even if you are still sending notes after your first anniversary, keep writing!