Wedding Etiquette Wednesday: Etiquette Myths

The rules of etiquette at weddings can sometimes be a bit confusing. There are many good suggestions out there for proper wedding etiquette, but there is also a lot of bad advice. Etiquette expert Peggy Post gives her list of common etiquette myths on the Wedding Channel’s website and we have listed a few of them below….

• Myth- A bride and groom have one year to send out thank you notes.
• False! Thank you notes should be personal and sent out in a timely manner; usually two weeks after the honeymoon and never more than three months. Make writing thank you note a fun project for you and your spouse to do together.

• Myth- The bride’s family is required to pay for most of the wedding and reception expenses.
• False! Many couples today pay for their own wedding expenses. Both the bride and groom’s families can share expenses too. However you plan on financing your wedding it is important to create a budget and communicate about costs so that you avoid overspending.

• Myth- A bride should expect her bridesmaids to host a shower for her.
• False! Sometimes it is not possible, due to any number of reasons such as financial burden or location, for bridesmaids to host a bridal shower. Brides should never ask friends to host a shower.

• Myth- A couple does not need to send out save-the-dates to guests.
• True! Save-the-dates are helpful, but not necessary. It is a nice gesture to send save-the-dates if your ceremony falls on a holiday, requires guests to travel long distance or is at a popular destination that could get booked.

• Myth- It is best to send wedding invitations on either white or ecru paper.
• False! A couples invitations should be a reflection of their personal taste and the style of their wedding. White and ecru are traditional formal invitation colors, but are not the only type of invitations to send.
• cloud 9 Papers offers a great selection of stationery for your invitations. We even offer some great eco-friendly products!

Check out Peggy Post’s complete list here…

Wedding Etiquette Wednesday: Technology

We live in a connected world. Today even elementary school students have cell phones and are more than efficient at texting and Tweeting! Along your wedding planning process you have probably made use of a few pieces of technology that have made your life a lot easier. However, when it comes to the big day, being old fashioned regarding technology is a good idea. No one wants their vows interrupted by an obnoxious ring tone. Here are some tips for modern technology at the ceremony…

Cell Phones: Your guests will have them (probably glued to their finger tips). It is a good idea to remind your guests to turn off the phones during the ceremony. Etiquette guru Emily Post suggests including a friendly request on your invitation for phones to be shut off or placing signs at the guest sign-in table or the entrances to the venue. The most effective, but also most intrusive way, would be to have an announcement made prior to the ceremony.

For guests: Texting during the ceremony is a big NO! Wait until after the ceremony before pulling out your phones to text or check messages.

Other technology: MP3 players or iPods should be left in the car, but if you do bring it please make sure to have it turned off and put away during the ceremony. This should be obvious but you would be surprised!

Wedding Etiquette Wednesday...How To Write A Thank You Note

Ann Marlin, owner of Cloud 9 Papers is continually asked about thank you notes. She puts it best, "A personal thank you note is the only appropriate way to say 'Thank You!' At one time, notes were not considered necessary when you thanked someone in person. Today, with guest lists being longer and guests busier, a personal thank you note is the only way to make sure sincere appreciation is expressed. Just telling someone who has given you a gift, how much you appreciate it, does not 'cut the cake!'"

Thank You Do's and Don'ts

1. Never, Never, Never, send a pre-printed thank you card. When you send a pre-printed card, you are telling the person receiving the thank you that their gift didn't mean enough to you to even receive a mention in your note. A warm personalized, handwritten note, regardless how brief, tells the guest how much you appreciated the gift and how it will be cherished for years to come. Handwritten notes express sincerity.

2. Be sure to send thank you notes to friends and relatives who arrange showers and parties for you. It is appropriate to thank them for the party or shower in the same card you send thanking them for their gift.

3. When you receive more than one gift from someone, each gift must be recognized with its own thank you card. If you receive a shower gift from a friend or relative and then, three weeks later, receive a wedding gift from the same person, it is not appropriate to thank them in one card. Shower gifts should be acknowledged within ten days of the party and wedding gifts within two weeks after returning from the honeymoon. Wedding gifts arriving in advance of the wedding, should be responded to immediately, so that an extended period of time does not pass between receiving the gift and it's thank you.

4. Be sure to put your new return address on all thank you cards. Your guests will appreciate having your current and correct address.

5. Although colored ink is readily available in your favorite stationery store today, it is still more appropriate to write your notes in dark blue or black. It is more easily readable.

6. When writing thank you notes, never start the note with "I." Always use "you" more than "I" or "me" in the note.

Wedding Etiquette Wednesday - Wedding Customs and Traditions

It's fun to look back and see where wedding customs and traditions originated. We get asked all the time so here are some answers- more to come!

Something Old represents the link with the bride's family and the past. Many brides choose to wear a piece of antique family jewelry or a mother's or grandmother's wedding gown or handkerchief.
Something New represents good fortune and success and her hopes for a bright future in her new life. The wedding gown is often chosen as the new item.
Something Borrowed is to remind the bride that friends and family will be there for her when help is needed. "Borrowing" is especially important, since it is to come from a happily married woman, thereby lending the bride some of her own marital bliss to carry into the new union.
Something Blue is the symbol of faithfulness and loyalty.
A Silver Sixpence in her Shoe is to wish the bride wealth. Some brides still place a penny in their shoe during the marriage ceremony.

Bride On Groom's Left

Because the early Anglo Saxon groom so often had to defend his bride from would-be kidnappers, she stood to his left, leaving his sword-arm free. The "best" warrior in the tribe stood by the groom and was responsible for helping defend the bride, thus the placement for the modern day best man.

First Kiss

No ceremony is complete without the kiss. In fact, there was a time when an engagement would be null and void without one. Dating back from early Roman times, the kiss represented a legal bond that sealed all contracts. The kiss that seals the wedding is much more than a sign of affection. It has long been a token of bonding - the exchange of spirits as each partner sends a part of the self into the new spouse's soul, there to abide ever after.

The Wedding Cake

Beginning in early Roman times, the cake has been a special part of the wedding celebration. A thin loaf was broken over the bride's head at the close of the ceremony to symbolize fertility. The wheat from which it was made, symbolized fertility and the guests eagerly picked up the crumbs as good luck charms. This tradition evolved and spread to England in the Middle Ages where the guests of a wedding would bring small cakes and stack them together. Later, a clever baker decided to amass all these small cakes together, covering them with frosting. Thus, the modern tiered cake was born. The bride and groom make the first cut of the wedding cake to signify sharing their life together. Every guest then eats at least a crumb of the cake to ensure good luck.

Tossing The Bridal Bouquet

Tossing of the bridal bouquet is a custom which has its roots in England as it was believed that the bride could pass along good fortune to others. In order to obtain this fortune, spectators would try to tear away pieces of the bride's clothing and flowers. In an attempt to get away, the bride would toss her bouquet into the crowd. Tradition says that the single women who catches the bouquet is the one who receives the bride's fortune and will marry next.

Wedding Etiquette Wednesday: Attire 101

A couple was getting married, and it was only three days before the wedding. The bride calls her mother with some bad news. "Mom," she says, "I just found out that my fiance's mother has bought the exact same dress as you to wear to the wedding." The bride's mother thinks for a minute. "Don't worry," she tells her daughter. "I'll just go and buy another dress to wear to the ceremony." "But mother," says the bride, "that dress cost a fortune. What will you do with it? It's such a waste not to use it." "Who said I won't use it?" her mother asked. "I'll just wear it to the rehearsal dinner."

We've all been faced with the question, "What should I wear?" Here's a few guidelines to help break it down.

Daytime Wedding For Her
- A fun floral dress
- A skirt and a sweater set with beautiful shoes
- A light colored suit
- A beautiful hat that coordinates with your outfit

Daytime Wedding For Him
- In the summertime, a light-colored suit, especially linen or seersucker
- Winter weddings call for warmer clothing, including wool suits, a navy blazer with charcoal pants, and perhaps a sweater and tie underneath a blazer
- A dress shirt, tie and dress pants is acceptable, but dress it up with a blazer if you can
- If the invitation says formal, wear a dark suit. Tuxedoes are not appropriate before 6 pm

Evening Wedding For Her
- Dress as you would if you were going out to the theater or to dinner.
- A cocktail dress – nothing too sexy but something fun to dance in. Black is fine.
- A dressy suit or a cocktail suit
- Wear darker colors and look for something sophisticated
- Avoid beads or sequins unless the invitation specifically says black tie

Evening Wedding For Him
- A dark suit is always appropriate
- If the invitation says casual or semi-formal, you can wear a blazer and slacks with a nice tie

Black-Tie Optional For Her
- A cocktail dress, perhaps to the floor

Black-Tie Optional For Him
- If you have a tuxedo, or just like wearing one, by all means do so
- Otherwise, wear a dark suit. Dress as formally as you can.

Black-Tie for Her
- A formal dress, usually to the floor
- Bring out those beaded purses, fancy wraps and formal jewelry that's been waiting for an occasion such as this

Black-Tie For Him
- A tuxedo is the only appropriate thing to wear. If it says creative black tie, he should still wear a tuxedo, perhaps with a black shirt or collarless white shirt.

DON'T WEAR:
- White. (This rule has relaxed some, and you can get away with wearing a printed dress with a white background and some cream colored clothing. Just be careful not to upstage the bride.)
- Black to a daytime wedding
- Jeans
- Anything too sexy or revealing
- Anything torn, with holes, stained, too big or too small for you!

Wedding Etiquette Wednesday

Everyone loves to receive something in the mail; there is just something about going to the mailbox and seeing a hand-addressed envelope waiting only for you.

So, after a shower, engagement or wedding gift has been received, the gift giver is just as excited to receive something in the mail...(drumroll)...the thank you note!

Ten Do’s and Don’ts of Thank You Notes, courtesy of etiquette guru Emily Post.

- Do personalize your notes and make reference to the person as well as the gift.

- Do remember that a gift should be acknowledged with the same courtesy and generous spirit in which it was given.

- Do be enthusiastic, but don’t gush. Avoid saying a gift is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen unless you really mean it.

- Don’t send form letters or cards with printed messages and just your signature; don’t use email or post a generic thank you on your wedding web site in lieu of a personal note.

- Do promptly acknowledge the receipt of shipped gifts by sending a note right away or calling and following up with a written note in a day or two.

- Don’t mention that you plan to return a gift or that you are dissatisfied in any way.

- Don’t tailor your note to the perceived value of the gift; no one should receive a perfunctory note.

- Do refer to the way you will use a gift of money. Mentioning the amount is optional.

- Don’t include wedding photos or use photo cards if it will delay sending the note.

- Don’t use being late as an excuse not to write. Even if you are still sending notes after your first anniversary, keep writing!